I need a hobby....

I am scheduled to have a new porticath put into my chest/shoulder this Friday, and then I will be starting more chemo as soon as I can after that. The chemo this time around seems like it won't have as many symptoms as the last kind I was on. So, that's good! I will still have nausea and a few other manageable symptoms, but at least I will not be so sensitive to cold, or have any numbness or tingling. Those were the symptoms that really bothered me last time, caused my the oxaliplatin (evil evil stuff!). So, I am real happy that I won't get that junk!! The regimen this time will inlcude Avastin.

They said they want me to start the chemo, then we will go from there. We aren't going to worry about taking any tumors out yet. We'll see how the chemo goes, then decide later on. Since the cancer has spread through my blood to my lungs, it puts me in Stage 4 colon cancer. If you'd like to learn more about it, you'll just have to look it up. I won't go into the details here.

Anyways! In family news, Sean is completely potty trained! It's a weird feeling knowing that I won't ever have to change any more diapers, since I won't have any more kids. Guess I should find someone to take the almost full box that I had just bought the day before he decided to potty train!

I took him to the store last night, and let him pick out some underwear. He was beside himself with excitement. He looks so funny in them, like he's way too little to be wearing them. (I guess that's just me, trying to keep him a baby as long as possible!) But, he wears them with pride, and has not had any accidents at all!

I think the key to potty training is to have a potty that they can get to all by themselves, and try not to go too many places for about a week. And, wait for them to do it, and not force them to go. I tried convincing both boys to go sooner, and it just never worked, caused more stress than anything. But, as soon as they could be trusted to be in the bathroom (with door open of course) by themselves for a few minutes, with a potty ready and waiting, and some easy to pull off pants, they were both trained basically in a day or two! I am so proud! Took them both right at 3 years to do it, but I knew this day would finally come!

We got the news yesterday that Seth didn't get accepted into the charter school we wanted to get him into next year (he's number #63 on the waitlist!). I don't necessarily like the public school system here (apparently neither do a lot of other people, seeing as how he's #63 on the list!). Seems like they are way behind the times. New buildings, nice staff, but just not up to par in my eyes. He was in a very structured preschool last year, learned so fast, and went all day, but only goes half a day this year, and has a short Wednesday each week, and has a short Monday once a month. (I counted the hours he is actually there in class, and it just doesn't add up to much!) They seem to care more about the teacher's time off than the kids. Just my opinion. And everything they send home has spelling and grammar errors on it, and is even hard for me to understand sometimes. I am definitely not perfect, and I don't expect the teachers to be perfect either, but I do expect some sort of level that I just haven't seen since we've been here.

I feel like he could be learning so much more. But, I guess that just means we will have to work harder at home! I don't want to homeschool him because I feel like having him around other kids is helping him a lot. He's very stubborn and shy at first, and I have seen big improvements in those areas since he started school. (Besides, I don't have near enough patience to homeschool him....like I said, he's very stubborn....he gets it from me!!)

My husband Will got Seth a snap circuit set, where you snap the little pieces together to make lights come on, music play, etc. He's very good with those kinds of things, and enjoys making things work, and taking them apart again. He also loves figuring out *why* it works the way it does, and with a dad like Will, he is learning so much!

Seth is also into legos. I've never seen a kid with so much concentration as when he is putting something together. He will sometimes even use his feet....I know, you're thinking HUH? But, he does. It's so funny. I try to remind him that his feet are probably dirty, but he uses them when he's on the floor, to hold a book open, hold something still, etc. He's nuts! But, I'm sure all geniuses started off weird, right? Haha!

Will's company is paying for him to take some at-home courses for Electrical Engineering to get his degree, and he's excited about that. He finished way more than he was expected to in a certain amount of time, and he always aces the tests. He's just so quick and smart and dedicated. I wish I had some of that dedication! Then maybe my house would be clean all the time!

Between all these boys in my house learning and excelling at new things, I'm starting to think I need to be doing something too! The most I've got going on is cleaning up after the fish and pet rats! But, I have discovered I am very good at it, and I really enjoy it too, so I guess that's my thing! Plus, molly fish have like 20-50 babies at a time, so we currently have about 70 babies in the tank right now! I feel like a new mommy, caring for them all. (We will eventually sell them all to the local pet store, so at least I will make some money!)

Here we go again!

I had the lung biopsy done a few weeks ago, to find out if the spots were positive for cancer. Let me just say, for anyone who has ever had any sort of chest/upper body surgery, I feel your pain!! It was a terrible surgery, and the chest tube was not at all comfortable! The surgery I had was better than how they used to do it, but it was still pretty darn bad!! But I recovered fast, as usual, and I am feeling great now.
The spots did turn up positive for colon cancer, so that means the cancer has spread through my blood stream, and is in my lungs now. I was at stage 3 colon cancer, and I am assuming this now puts me at stage 4. I will be starting chemotherapy again as soon as possible. I will have to get another porticath surgically implanted in my chest, so it might be a month or so.
They say that even though it puts me in a worse prognosis, the spots (even though they have doubled in size) are still very small, so that is a good thing, and we caught it early.
They have made it very clear that we need to get the tumors under control or get rid of them as soon as possible, so I am looking into either Lung Ablation, or Cyberknife. I am having another PET scan this week to see if Cyberknife might be for me. It's basically a robotic arm that shoots lasers into the tumors in my lungs, killing the cancer cells, even while you are awake and breathing normally. I would much rather have this, than lung ablation, which is going into the hospital, getting anesthesia, having needles inserted into each tumor through the chest, burning the cancer cells, etc. It's still up in the air, but as far as I know, Cyberknife seems more effective, and less invasive. But, if I need to do the other, so be it. Both procedures still have a 1 in 3 risk for a collapsed lung, but it seems that Cyberknife is a little more effective at killing the cancer, so I am hoping I am a good candidate for it!
As far as everything else, Seth turned 6 this last week, and Sean turned 3 this week. So, we had a long fun weekend filled with a party, a visit to a bounce house warehouse place, mini-golf, lots of cupcakes and balloons, and we all had so much fun!
Sean has also started (FINALLY) using the potty, and I have not changed a diaper in about 5 days now! Can I get a "Hallelujah!" or an "Amen!"

As long as they give me the good stuff...

I had another scan this past week, three months after my last one, to see if the spots on my lungs had grown in size. Yep. They sure did. So, now what? Well, I am scheduled to have surgery this coming week, so they can do a biopsy to find out what the spots are. It will be about a 3-4 day hospital stay, and a couple weeks of recovery at home. Thoracoscopy surgery if they can locate the spots with a scope, but since the spots are still small, it might be the more invasive thoracotomy kind of surgery, with a bigger incision, and the doctor will have to put his hand (HAND!) in between my ribs (RIBS!) and locate the spots that way. Do yourself a favor, and DON'T look that up on youtube like I did. Ewwwwwwwwie!
If the spots do turn out to be cancer, that will put me from stage 3 to stage 4. And more chemo. Yuckola! But I will do it again, no problem! I kind of hope I lose my hair this time....I know that sounds weird, but having cancer and chemo with a full head of hair just makes me feel like I'm not doing it right. Hahaha! I didn't lose all my hair last time, just got really thinned out. You know, I want to get the full experience this time. Maybe get a tattoo on my scalp that says: "If you can read this, I'm on chemo again."
People ask me how I feel, and I say fine. They look at me funny. But seriously, I feel completely normal! Cancer's a funny thing. Evil, but funny.

If All Else Fails, We Still Have The Pumpkin Pie

We got a coupon for a free turkey from Will's work, and since we are away from family for Thanksgiving this year, I figured I would give it a shot.
I have never in my life cooked a whole turkey, or even a whole chicken for that matter. I didn't go to the store until yesterday, and it was already slim pickens in the turkey section. But, since it was free, I got the biggest one I could find. (It just wouldn't be right to get a small one for free! Gotta make the most of it, right?!)
The winner, who I named Henry, weighs a a whopping 15 pounds! It barely fit in the refrigerator, so I am just hoping it will fit in the oven! Keep me in your thoughts during the wee morning hours on Thanksgiving day, when I will be preparing Dear Henry for the feast.
Also on the menu:
Macaroni and Cheese (boxed....I'm lazy)
Green Bean Casserole (canned beans, canned soup, but that's what I like...also, I'm lazy)
Mashed Potatoes (hand peeled, cubed, and cooked by ME!)
Cranberry Sauce (canned....the jelled kind, in the shape of the can, yummo)
Pumpkin Pie (store bought....again, I'm lazy)
Cool Whip (because what good is pumpkin pie without cool whip?)
This will be the first time I have ever made a whole Thanksgiving meal all by myself! I am so excited! And I am sure with a 15 pound turkey, we will have leftovers for a month!

Waiting is the worst part.....

I had a CT scan a month ago or so, and although my abdomen and pelvic scans came back normal, I did have several spots on both of my lungs that they are concerned about (numerous subcentimeter bilateral pulmonary nodules concerning for metastatic disease). In human terms: it might possibly be the cancer spreading, but since my CEA number (a cancer marker in the blood) was in the normal range, they decided to wait 3 months to do another scan and see what the spots look like. January 5th is the date of the scan, so the good news is I don't have to do anything until then. The bad news is I can't do anything until then! But, I spoke with a few other doctors and other medical people and they pretty much all agreed that waiting was the best thing to do right now. A biposy is possible at this point, but not really necessary. Plus, it would be an invasive, put me to sleep type ordeal, and I think waiting would be better right now. So, we will enjoy the holidays, live normal day to day life, and hope for the best!

For Me? I Feel So Special!

My loving sister gave me an award! I haven't won anything since my 7th grade science fair, where I did an experiment on ivy plants to see if they would grow better with water, coffee, or tea. I got first place.....but now that I think about it, I can't remember what beverage made the plants grow faster! Oh well....on with my super cool award!

Isn't it beautiful?!? I think I will make a special place for it right on my mantle. Oh crap, I don't have a mantel. Well, it looks great where it is anyways.
I was going to pass it along, as the award rules go, but she already passed it to everyone I could think of, so I am just going to do the meme that she tagged everyone for.

6 Quirky Things About Me:

1. My fingers are still a little numb and tingly from the chemo, so I have trouble doing little tasks with them. One of my favorite things to do is drink Dr Pepper in a can, that's the best way to drink 'em I say! But, the darn little tab gives me trouble, so I end up having to ask my husband for help. This is where my trouble starts. He works long hours, and I drink a lot of Dr Peppers. He's not always home to pop the top for me. So, I have to use a knife to pry the top open! Very annoying!

2. I can't swim. Now, those who know me, might not believe this. But it's true....sort of. I can doggie paddle, and I can float, and I can even do back flips under the water. But if you were to throw me out in the middle of a deep pool and tell me to swim ashore, I would most certainly drown. I panic when I am in deep or dark water. Or rushing water. Maybe that could be from having too many near death (or what I perceived as "near death" as a child) experiences in the water. A boy held me under water at a luau once. I got swept away in the Frio on a camping trip. I saw a dead body pulled from the lake I swam in as a child. I heard rumors of alligators in the same lake, then actually saw one once! Maybe it's all that stuff that makes me panic so easily. I don't know, you be the judge!

3. Speaking of water.....I have a strange aversion to whales. No, not an aversion, a straight-up serious fear of them! And they gross me out. I can't look at them, I don't like the ocean (because that's where they lurk), and I definitely hate hearing the noises they make. And OHMYGOD I can NOT watch that whale part in the movie Castaway. (And I just shuddered in real life.) I have no clue where this fear comes from. It's just there. And, FYI, it is an actual phobia. Look it up, there are thousands out there just like me! (Like this poor lady) Nuke the whales! (okay, don't do that, just keep them away from me!)

4. I wash my hands at least 50 times a day. After all the obvious tasks, like restroom duties, cooking, cleaning, diaper duty. But also after going outside, checking the mail, using the computer, opening doors, pushing a grocery cart, basically after any tasks that involve my hands. It's just something I've gotten used to doing. And even if I let the laundry pile up or leave dishes in the sink, I will still occasionally sanitize every door knob in the house, just out of craziness.

5. This really isn't a quirk about me, but more about my fish tank. In the beginning, we had 2 orange cichlids, one yellow cichlid, and 2 fiddler crabs. Everything was fine and dandy until one day the big orange fish decided to try out cannibalism and eat the yellow fish. Then, a few days later, one of the crabs died. So, we got 2 more crabs. Then the big orange fish tried to eat the smaller orange fish. I thought he killed him, but that darned fish is still alive, minus a tail and bottom fins (that are now growing back in, surprisingly!). So, if your keeping count, we had 1 healthy fish, 1 sickly fish limping around sideways, and 3 crabs. The biggest crab has a huge claw, and the smallest crab is so cute. The medium sized crab...well, I woke up one morning to find him clawless.....that's right, he was a clawless crab. I don't know what happened, and haven't seen the missing claw since then. Then....the plot thickens. The medium clawless crab goes missing a day later. I am afraid he was either eaten, or worse, he's escaped and now creeping around my house in the shadows. And, ewwwwww! Could you imagine walking to the bathroom in the middle of the night and all of a sudden....cRUNch! Or waking up to a crab on your face!! (I am just thankful it wasn't the biggest crab with the mammoth claw....I think he might be able to rip a pinky toe off if he grabbed onto it.)

6. I am a pretty smart person. No, that's not my 6th quirk. The quirk is that I am smart, but very gullible at the same time. My husband is always convincing me of something crazy, and he's so good at it, that I could go for days or weeks thinking one thing unless he told me otherwise. I am just off on some days. I guess my elevator doesn't always go to the top floor. Like the time I was sent to the store for pickle relish. My husband is a very picky eater, and wanted me to find him some pickle relish, but it had to be free of the little red things. I finally remembered that the little red things were called pimentos, so I began looking at all the jars on the shelf. I couldn't see very well, since the labels covered most of the jars completely. So I read the ingredients of one jar. It listed cucumbers and pimentos. Now, that would not do. I knew for a fact my husband wouldn't eat pickle relish if it was chock full of cucumbers. But, every jar I picked up had cucumbers listed in the ingredients. I just couldn't for the life of me understand why every single brand of pickle relish did this! Why? I was so disturbed and aggravated, I marched off in search of a grocery store clerk. Surely they had a brand in the back store room somewhere that didn't have cucumbers! I walked up and down about 5 aisles until I spotted a clerk (they are never around when you need them) when suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks. The guy just stared at me like I was crazy when I busted out laughing. I can't believe it took me that long to remember that cucumbers where pickles. I walked off.....quickly.

Well, that's certainly not all the little quirks I have, but the meme was only for 6, and my poor little numb fingers are tired, so goodnight Bloggityville! (Is too a word....my sister told me so.)

Halloween Is Coming!

Darth Vader and Yoda